So many parents say that they wish their child came with an instruction manual. Multiply that thought by ten and that's being a step parent. As a woman, it just isn't natural to have children in and out of your home that you desire to just love on unconditionally, but who come with lots of conditions. You're always aware of the fact that you aren't their mom and when it comes down to being really scared or hurt....they don't want me, they want their mom. No one prepares a woman for that when she marries a man with children. You somehow have to figureout what the rules are...and they are constantly changing. Love them like they're your own...until that's threatening to their mother. Discipline them like they need...except they'll have totally different rules 90% of the time. Help pay to raise them...but have no say in what happens medically, educationally, with child care, with extra-curricular activities. Figure out how to bring your own children into the mix and try with all you've got to make your step-children feel loved and welcome and not like they are less than. On a good day it looks like a family that takes all the parts and blends them together and it works. On a bad day it involves a whole lot of self doubt, anger, tears, a strained marriage, and a weary spirit. As the kids get older, it seems to get a bit more complicated. They have more questions. They are able to put more of the pieces together. They are more unsure of themselves and their place (isn't that ironic??)
BUT...today was one of the good days. One of the days where I'm sure of my role. I'm okay with what it is. I get to be that extra adult that just makes their lives richer. Last weekend was Ashley's 10th birthday (Where have the last 7 years gone?) This is our weekend with the kids so it's been Ashley's weekend. She and Brandon spent the night at Nanny Mona's (Josh's mom) last night. They got to stay up late eating popcorn and carrying on. She took them to the library this morning and then I met up with them and we all went out to lunch and to Build a Bear Workshop in the mall (thanks Grandpa Gary and Grandma Linda). Brandon still had some of his birthday money so they both got to partake in the activities. They had a blast!!! We came home and went right over to the YMCA to go swimming. We came back to the house and I put the cake in the oven and started on dinner. Josh came home from work and we had a nice cookout and Ashley opened her presents from us. I got BIG points for getting the new Hannah Montana CD for her that was just released this week...yeah, I'm cool....We had cake and ice cream and listened to the above mentioned CD. Josh even showed Ash a couple of his dance moves. (I think he actually likes the CD...shhh, don't tell him I told you.)
So now the kids are all tucked in. The end of a great day. After I finished decorating Ashley's cake she looked at me and said, "Thank you, Melissa." That was really all I needed. I'm glad I get to be in her life.
Happy double digits Ashley!
1 comment:
I'm just no finding my way around the lives at the Rock..so sorry for he late post! Yes, this is the toughest task you'll ever undertake...I have a step mom and I love her dearly. Dad married her when I was older--around 14- 15 I think. As we grow older we need the other mother especially during tennage years when mom's are then thought of in the worst ways imaginable. If it's any consolation the people who had the most wonderful influences on me were not my biological parents. My mother did but many were people God placed in my life who loved me where I was then, and didn't try to fix me (That's a never ending process that only God can do!) but they just loved me. So love em when they're bad and say mean things--it's then that no one usually does. This is what they'll remember most...
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