All Consuming

Througout this adoption process, I feel like I've done a pretty good job of keeping things in perspective and going with the flow. I mean really, what else can we do? I really believe that God has given me peace that at the end of this journey there is a little girl who will be just the right fit for our family.

But I must admit that in the last couple of months I think I've let my guard down a bit and the wait has just become all consuming and almost unbearable. There are a ton of people who had their paperwork logged-in in China in October and November of 2005 (we're December 27th) so it took four months to get through all of the October people (They've gotten through November 1st so far) and it's projected to take three or four months to get through the rest of November. So we're thinking October or November of this year for our referral now...But really, how many times have we moved that "projected" date out already? It takes 6-8 weeks to travel after getting a referral so is it possible that the adoption won't be complete before Christmas? I can hardly think of that possibility.

My heart is tired of waiting. At this point our baby really is born already and I know that she's in an orphanage somewhere half a world away and my heart aches to bring her home. I've discovered that adoption is not for the faint of heart. We thought that at this point we'd be getting ready to turn in paperwork for a second child already....But no...we still wait. It just doesn't seem like it should take so long. So many children in orphanages...hundreds of thousands and we just want one.

It's such a strange thing. I don't think an hour goes by where I don't think about the baby in some capacity. And really how do you share that with other people, because there's virtually no information that I have to report.

Josh and I have decided that we'll paint the nursery this summer but we won't get all of the furniture put together and decorations up until after we get a referral. We just don't want everything done until we know for sure that there's a child coming soon.

Okay...we can do this....16 1/2 months down!